


Thinky-thoughts late at night

by marlowe78



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Ronon or Ford?, contemplations, thinky-thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marlowe78/pseuds/marlowe78
Summary: Some nights, or days, while watching movies or playing golf or eating together or during sparring, John would look at Ronon and wonder if he was doing an injustice to Lieutenant Ford.





	Thinky-thoughts late at night

**Author's Note:**

> because I always wondered about this

Some nights, or days, while watching movies or playing golf or eating together or during sparring, John would look at Ronon and wonder if he was doing an injustice to Lieutenant Ford. Not every day, mind you, or even often. But, you know. Some days. 

He would watch Ronon laugh or smile and he’d think about the enthusiastic grin of Ford and compare the two. Both dark-ish skinned, dark-haired, but that’s pretty much where any similarities ended. Where Aiden had been quirky and filled with smiles and joking, Ronon was quiet and contemplative – well, or just quiet, John never really found a way to tell the difference. Where Ford had been younger than his years, full of live and too optimistic for even John, Ronon was older than his actual age, never taking things for granted and with a bit – a big bit – of an obsession on killing Wraith. 

Well. They had that in common _now_.

They tended to underestimate Aiden, tended to take his youth for foolishness and his jokes as lack of dedication – and they’d be wrong about that, just as they’d be wrong about John’s own sense of dedication. Nobody underestimated Ronon, or at least not for longer than it took to meet him. Where people saw the intelligence in Ford’s eyes nearly at once, they overlooked the same in Ronon – maybe because it was well-hidden behind something else, something more pressing. 

Or maybe because people were stupid. 

It had been one of the things John had noticed first, on that planet where the sun burned you up and your teammates went crazy and half-feral runners hid from the Wraith. That intelligence behind the dreadlocks, lurking behind the fear and the exhaustion and the determination to live, to fight, to never give up. To go down fighting. 

The other first thing he’d noticed was that awesome gun. John was maybe a little in love with that gun, he was man enough to admit. Silently. Where no-one would hear. 

But back to the point – some days, John compared Ronon to Ford, Aiden to Dex and he knew it was not fair to either of them. But he couldn’t help it, couldn’t help knowing the coincidence of losing one team-member to craziness the same day he’d drag another in from that same fate and … well. Keep him.

Some days, he’d let himself contemplate what he would do if he’d get Ford back in exchange for Ronon. Think about bringing that bright boy back home to earth, give him back to his family and make him whole again.

Would he do that?

He missed Ford, the easy acceptance he’d shown John the moment they met, when everything had pointed against him. The trust that had been there from that first day, for some incomprehensible reason; that … yes, maybe hero-worship that John hadn’t ever understood. He’d maybe basked a little in it, had liked it – hell, what wasn’t to like about Aiden? It had been a balm to his still-a-bit-battered ego to have someone look up to him, like a little brother – like Dave had stopped doing so long ago. And he’d have done anything for that kid, had tried to do everything for Aiden and it hadn’t been enough. 

So on some days, John thought that maybe losing Ford had been the price he’d had to pay for gaining Ronon, and _maybe_ he’d feel a little bitter about it. He would let himself think about just simply saving that runner from way back and leave him be, go after Ford again. 

And then he’d hear Ronon laugh, see him grin, listen to him threaten Rodney and every bitter thought would fall away like the ground underneath the wings of a fighter-jet, just as quickly and just as sudden. 

How could you compare something that might have been to what he had now? Aiden Ford had ultimately chosen his path. It hadn’t been his fault initially, but he’d refused help and reason more than once. He’d had his choice and he’d taken it, and while John doubted Ford’s sanity, he didn’t for a second doubt his dedication to Earth. Maybe the crazy would actually help – who knew. 

Ford was gone, and in the place he’d occupied now stood a man who’d been on his own so long that he’d had to re-learn how to be with people, how to act, how to behave. What to show behind his mask – what mask to wear. Every command John issued to Ronon was a struggle, but every time it was accepted a victory. Every time John would be allowed to order Specialist Dex around was an honor, and he didn’t take that lightly. 

But that wasn’t what made it unique. 

What made it unique was the way Ronon knew what he had to do with just the sound of his name, with just a nod, just a handwave. Nothing the Air Force taught you, nothing the Marines taught you – silent understanding in a way that happened to really close couples. He’d never had that with Ford, and while it could be that they just hadn’t been around each other long enough, he wasn’t sure it would have ever been the same as with Ronon. 

After all, with Dex it had come instantly, the second they’d been out in the field together. It hadn’t surprised John that Ronon knew the ways to cover a team-mate, but it had come a bit as a surprise that he’d longed for an outright order, no matter how John wouldn’t have been able to order a pizza, tied up as they’d been. 

But with those words, Ronon had sagged into his bonds, given up control to someone he considered worthy to follow. How – why – John had no idea. But it felt damn good. 

So, sometimes at night, when nobody was around who could suddenly develop telepathy, John would admit to himself that no, he wouldn’t give Ronon back. 

For no price in the world would he change things, even if it meant leaving Ford out there on his own.


End file.
